What is Your Story?
The stories we tell - about our lives, our holidays, our interactions with others - very much frame the reality we live in. If we want circumstances in our lives to be different than they are, we are the ones with the power to make that change.
How so, you ask? Think about your recent interactions with friends and family over the Thanksgiving weekend. Were they enjoyable, demanding, some combination of the two, or something else?
Holidays can certainly be stressful but it’s almost always the stories we tell about our circumstances that create the stress. “I have too much to do and not enough time to get it done” is a classic story that I hear most often from people and the one that seems to cause the most difficulty.
If it’s super important to you to do everything, even though you don’t feel like you have enough time, try to remind yourself why you want to do it. If it makes you happy to shop, cook or bake holiday treats for people, by all means do so. Just remember why you’re doing it. Then your work has the potential to be more enjoyable rather than just another thing that has to get done.
If some of your holiday “to dos” are not essential, let them go. If it’s an option to ask for help, enjoy spending the time working together with a friend or family member to get more done in less time.
If you are happy with your holidays, family, friends, work, etc. by all means, keep telling your story exactly as you have been because you are living the life you want!
If this is not the case, however, consider telling a slightly different story. Tell the story of what you do want, though in a way that is somewhat in the realm of possibilities, or you won’t be able to believe it can ever become a reality.
For example, my family can be wonderful or they can be very complicated and hard to be around. What’s the difference in these two very extreme states of being? ME and only me!
None of us can control the behaviors, thoughts or actions of others, despite our best efforts. If we want things to be different, we have to change our attitudes and thoughts (essentially our stories) about them.
When I get together with my family for big gatherings, I almost always exercise first. This puts me in a good physical and mental space. I then think about their good qualities and remind myself that we’re all doing the best that we can in any given moment.
If I’m hosting the event, I remind myself that my family would much rather I be in a relaxed, good mood than stressed about getting everything perfect (which is never going to happen anyway). I also ask for (and offer) help if I feel like there’s more to do than I can get done.
My family rarely changes from one holiday to the next, but when I make sure my attitudes and expectations are as positive as possible, it’s almost always enough to create an enjoyable interaction with them.
Action Step:
If you do not love the story you’ve been telling about any part of your life, take a few minutes to think about or write down how you’d like it to be different. Then take a few minutes to think about what small changes you might make right now to help make this new story a reality.
Just remember that we can only change our own thoughts, actions and behaviors. Ironically however, when we stop trying to change others and accept them as they are, they do inevitably make small changes that they were also working towards.
