The Many Sides to Self-Care
Like many women, I (this is Carey) have a complicated relationship with self-care.
On the one hand, we know it’s important for all kinds of reasons and that our lives go better when we do take care of ourselves. And on the other hand…. many of us often feel guilty or even selfish when we do.
As a former single mother with a full-time job, I learned to downplay those needs in order to just make it through my day. If I put self-care on my list it didn’t get done unless all the other things did first - and by then, it was always way past my bedtime (with sleep of course being one of those self-care items). So I stopped putting things like my own medical appointments, my workouts, and even time to just read a book on my to-do lists.
How do we change our thoughts about self-care?
I’d love to have my self-care be easy and natural now that my kids are grown and my life is easier, but it’s still a work in progress (isn’t everything?). In the past few years I have started to do some basic cognitive reframing about this.
So if my brain is saying, “you don’t have time for this,”
I challenge that idea and ask myself, “why not?
What is more important than getting your workout/medical care/downtime/etc.?
And typically, the answer is, “not much!” It will all eventually get done, and being relaxed and healthy will make it all much better.
I also used to hope that self-care would happen without a lot of effort or discipline. And yet, increasingly it becomes clear that it does require work, and embracing that effort is part of the process of coming to value our well-being.
I’m putting effort into myself, the same way I put effort into my relationships, my work, and my home. Effort is a way of valuing what is in our lives, and where we put our effort is a reflection of what matters.
Can Self-Care be Easier Than We Make It?
Lately I’ve been purposefully shifting my ideas about effort as well my self-care. We can have more conscious intentions to do something that is fun or that brings us happiness even if we have to work at it a bit.
So many aspects of our lives that bring joy are also emotionally or physically challenging - childbirth, being vulnerable enough to say “I love you” to someone, asking a potential new friend out for coffee, taking on a new project at work, doing a new workout class, and so on.
Embracing a little bit of effort often brings us tremendous rewards. It’s important to remember that as we learn to prioritize our needs, slowly but surely.
And now off I go to schedule that mammogram!
Action steps:
Take a minute to think about the self-care activities you have put off doing. Can you do one of them today?
What is a way you could create some ongoing well being for yourself with just a bit of effort?
