Every day, there are so many things on our To Do list.  Even if we don’t make the actual list, those things we need to get done are always in our heads and draining our energy.  So how do we get more done with less effort?  Read more

As women over 50, many of us were socialized to put the needs of others before our own.  We are mothers, daughters, spouses, employees, bosses, homemakers and many other roles.  Inherent in most of these roles is also caretaker. 

If we’re lucky, we have a partner that helps us with the daily activities of life.  If we’re not, we try to do everything on our own and unfortunately … we’re never going to get it all done, with or without help.

So how do we come to terms with this reality and live with less stress? 

Stress in caused by lack of presence, meaning we are not in the present moment.  We are worrying about all the things we have to do and the shortage of time to get them done in.  Or we’re somewhat obsessively rerunning a past event or conversation repeatedly in our heads, wishing that we had done something differently and worrying about how the choices we made are doing to impact some future events. 

Past and future thinking is what we do when we are not intentional.  It takes a certain amount of “work” to practice relaxing into the present moment, especially when there is so much to do.

Ironically, if we stop “doing” for short amounts of time throughout our day and refocus ourselves intentionally, two things happen:

1.        We stop dumping harmful cortisol into our system from the stress we’re experiencing, and

2.       We actually get more done during our day

So how do we do it?

Stop for a minute and think about being at the end of your day today.  As you’re getting into your bed tonight, what realistic tasks (or playing / fun) would feel good to have completed during this day?

For most of us, there are often things that we feel like we “have to do” and there is no choice in the matter.  I would argue that (almost always) there is a choice. 

There are many important things that we’d like to do on any given day, but what would happen if some of those things just didn’t get done AND you let yourself be OK with that? You probably know from experience that you can’t get everything done anyway, so what really matters?

While you’re considering that question, it’s hugely important to breath.  When we’re stressed, our breathing becomes quick and shallow.  We breathe only from the top of our lungs and limit the amount of oxygen that can get to our brains, muscles and other essential organs. 

If we can slow our breathing down by taking a deep breath in through our nose and slowly releasing that breath through our mouth, we’re allowing every part of our body to become more oxygenated and work better.  When our brain and body works better, we have more energy and we get more done.

Try it now if you can.  Breathe in deeply through your nose for at least a count of 4 – 5 seconds.  Hold that breath for a second and then release it slowly through your mouth for at least a count of 5 – 6 seconds.  Now close your eyes and do it again.  

You should not be breathing so deeply that you become light headed.  It should just feel good to inhale deeply into the bottom of your lungs and diaphragm while being present in this moment and then let it all go with the out breath. 

Relaxed intentionality is about trying to really figure out what matters in any given day and then letting yourself relax while getting those things done.  We spent so much time “doing” that we often forget how “to be”. 

Being in the present moment, even if it’s just for 20 seconds while you’re taking a break to breath, will help you to refocus yourself, de-stress, be healthier and able to move forward in your day with greater ease.

It is a practice that is ongoing, but one that is very much worth the effort.

Action Step

If you haven’t already done so, consider the question I asked earlier in this post:

As you’re getting into your bed tonight, what realistic tasks (or playing / fun) would feel good to have completed during this day?  Make it something small but meaningful so that you feel 100% confident that you can accomplish the item.  Then allow yourself to experience it fully while it is occurring. 

Learning to be present in our lives is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.