Life goes better with friends, especially when they’re the kind of friends who support you. Research shows people who have good friendships and strong social circles live longer—as well as happier—lives. 

In study after study, researchers have found that those who have friends are less likely to become disabled and, if they do suffer a period of disability, they’re more likely to recover . Further, people with fewer friendships are more likely to have a heart attack and to die as a result, while people with more social contacts are less likely to suffer cognitive decline.

The message from all this research: If friends are gifts we give ourselves, it’s good to be generous. 

Why are friends so good for us? 

Health-wise, friends encourage us to do what’s good for us: eat better, drink less, exercise and seek medical care when we need it; friends listen to us when we need to let off steam and cheer us up when we’re down. We stress less when we have friends who support us and help us along the way.

Frequently, family and friends are lumped together when people talk about support. However, friends don’t usually make the same demands or come with the issues that family members sometimes do.

The old saying goes, “We choose our friends, but we’re stuck with our family.” Granted, we may have a supportive family that we’re very happy to be “stuck” with, but friendships allow us to experience ourselves in a new way and grow beyond the patterns and expectations of our family. 

While friendships can be passing, we generally hang on to the ones that are meaningful. As we grow older, we may have fewer friends, but our pleasure in them grows.

Why? For many of us, as we become more deeply who we truly are, we also become more selective about the types of people we want to spend our time with.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said,

“We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with”.

If we believe this, we do want to be a little bit selective about who those 5 people are!

These days, in our mobile, fast-paced culture, it’s more difficult to make and maintain social relationships than when folks stayed in one place and had more leisure time. Now people often move across town or across country and jam-pack their lives with schedules that leave no time for finding and nurturing friendships.

Consequently, at the end of a too-full day or when a free weekend finally arrives, we may discover ourselves longing for the kind of easy pleasure friendship offers. Without friends, life can get lonely.

If you’re struggling to move more, friends can be an essential asset here. “Accountability partners” are the number one way people remain successful with their fitness goals. And the more fun your movement is, the more likely you are to do it!

What if you’re short on friends?

If you’ve moved to a new location, or your friends have drifted away and you need to restock the reservoir, reach out through joining groups and pursuing hobbies and interests where you’re likely to find kindred spirits. Extend a hand and an invitation. 

Like any other living thing, friendship requires care and feeding:

• Give your friendships priority, not just when you’re lonely.

• A weekly date can provide the scaffolding for an enduring emotional relationship.

• When you can’t be together physically, keep in touch by phone, email, letters. Send pictures, too.

• Celebrate occasions together. Be there for the big events and the small. Create celebrations of your own.

• Make time for old friends, even if it might be an inconvenience.  

There is great wisdom in the simple lines from the childhood song, “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver, the other gold”.

Action Steps:

1. Reach out to an old friend in any way that feels good to you. Make plans to get together in person or by phone at your earliest convenience and enjoy each other.

2. Take stock of your current friendships. Are they (and you) supportive of each other? If not, consider what you might do to alter this dynamic.

3. If you're looking for some new friends, think about a new hobby or activity that might expose you to new friends with a similar interest. Yes, you do then have to follow through with this new activity or it simply remains a mental activity with an imaginary friend. Go make a real one!